Sim Hon Meng
Block XXX
Hougang Ave. X
#0X-XXXX
Singapore 5XXXXX
03 February 2010
Mr. Charles Tan
Human Resource Manager
Achema Pte Ltd
#03-03 45 Jalan Pemimpin
Foo Wah Ind Bldg
Singapore 577197
Dear Mr. Tan,
I am a fresh graduate from the National University of Singapore. I am writing to apply for the Product Specialist position in your company. Based on my research of Achema Pte Ltd, the company specializes in aliasing with various research and educational institutes, as well as pharmaceutical and chemical industries. The company distributes many research equipment and other materials to these customers. I believe I possess the qualities that will help expand the company’s operation in Asia.
As I have worked in the Central Provident Fund (CPF) Board as customer services officer, I have the experience and skills which make me proficient in customer relations and communication. Therefore, I am able to market the company’s products. Furthermore, I have attended classes and have taken modules in the University which has equipped me with excellent presentation skills. This then further improves my ability to market and sell the company’s products. Also, I have very good problem solving skills. This is evident as I helped many customers with their various problems during my time in the CPF Board. This is important as I can help solve any problem the customers will have on the company products. Lastly, I am an excellent team player too. During my secondary and junior college days, I was in choir, in which team work and cooperation are very important. Thus, I would be comfortable to work in teams and together we can bring the company’s operation to greater heights!
As you have seen, those are just a few of my qualities and abilities which I can bring to the company. I hope that the company will give me the chance to allow me to demonstrate my qualities fully. I will be contactable at 91803873 or email me at simhm25@yahoo.com. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you very much for your time!
Yours sincerely,
Sim Hon Meng
Hi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteJust a few thoughts on your application letter. I like the fact that you've mentioned what you know about the company and its operations and also you experience in customer service.
But moving on the 2nd paragraph, may be you can describe your experience at CPF and the skills you gained completely before moving on to talk about your CCA activities. May be you could even divide your work experience and CCA activities into different paragraphs. You could also mention which faculty and course you've graduated from. If this is one of the fields they've mentioned in the ad, you can write about how the relevant technical knowledge will help you market their products better.
And, you could also mention your proficiency in English and Chinese since they've asked for it in the ad. Hope this helps and Good Luck!
Hi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteNice job application letter! Like everyone else, I like the fact that you actually went and did some research on the company and briefly included your findings in the letter! I think it's good!
I have a few pointers I think can further enhance your application letter:
1. You jumped to your previous work experience in paragraph 2 after briefly mentioning you are a fresh graduate from NUS in paragraph 1. You then further talked about your academic experience at the later part of paragraph 2. I think it will be more organized if you can switch the order - Bring the NUS section up. Bring the CPF down.
2. Perhaps another thing you've learnt as a customer services officer is that you are more clearer about customers behavior. This knowledge allows you to better relate to your target audience, making you a better candidate for the job.
3. I am not very comfortable with the sentence - "This is important as i can help solve ANY problem the customer will have on the company products." - I think over generalization reduces the credibility of your letter. Perhaps you would like to hedge this part.
My two cents =)
Hey Andrew,
ReplyDeleteJust a few thoughts on your application letter:
The layout of the application letter is really good and neat. (I need to take some tips from yours:P) The application letter is also short and sweet making it easy to follow. However, I feel that you could make your arguments a little more persuasive but elaborating more on your various achievements.
For instance, you can elaborate on a certain difficult problem you managed to solve during your job at CPF. You could also elaborate on particular skills you gained on the job. I think that perhaps you should also talk about more co-curricular activities/community events/cultural events you have been involved in organizing to demonstrate your teamwork skills and ability to work under pressure.
Other than that I really like that you have researched about the company. Writing about this in the 1st paragraph is quite impressive. However, I was wondering that perhaps you would like to elaborate a little about yourself as well, since the 1st paragraph is one that will definitely be read by the employer.
That’s all folk!
Cheers,
Jigna
Hey Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI think it was great that you showed you had put in effort to find out more about the company and what it does. Addressing the letter to the HR manager by name also showed sincerity.
Like the others have mentioned, it would probably be better to organise your credentials by stating your work experience and education separately. While I do like the way that you organised your credentials by skills, it might be better to organise your credentials by education and work experience to improve clarity.
While the first paragraph does demonstrate your substantial knowledge of the company, it says little of why they should hire you. Perhaps you should include a brief overview of your talents and credentials here to entice the HR manager to read on.
Dear Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI can see that you have put good effort into writing your application letter, showcasing your qualities and abilities nicely. You have also highlighted to the company how you fulfil their requirements, which is great.
Areas I feel you can also work on:
1. What is the most important thing you want to tell your prospective employer? In my opinion, it is not a good idea to start the letter stating that you are a fresh graduate from NUS. What is the point you are trying to make? - a question for you to mull over.
2. What is the exact title of the position advertised?
3. It will be good to grab attention right from the very beginning, so I would focus on highlighting special qualities/abilities of myself rather than talk about the company. After all, this is the first paragraph the recruiting officer reads, and I am pretty sure they know more about their company than you do. That being said, it is indeed good to share with them why you so wish to work for them, perhaps using this to end the letter may be more appropriate?
4. Be concrete - what 'qualities' that will help expand the company's operations? What 'experiences and skills' make you proficient in customer relations? What 'classes and modules'? Certainly you don't have the space to list all these down, but good to consider the letter as a platform for you to emphasis important/special/unique qualities/capabilities/abilities.
5. Check the tone used. For instance "As you have seen" seems to indicate pompousness.
6. Do take the initiative to get back to them.
Ms. Lim
Hey everyone,
ReplyDeleteAish, Jimmy: I will separate into 3 paragraphs and make them more distinct and neat - academic, CCA and working experience.
Gerard, Jigna: I will highlight my skills instead of just list what I have done.
Ms Lim: I will take note of all the points and adjust my application letter accordingly.
Thanks everyone for your valuable pointers =)! I'll correct my application letter based on all the points mentioned in time for the 2nd peer editing in class!